Pandora’s Box

(promise ring)

I don’t know what I’m doing.

All I know is I want to do everything in my power for this woman and her kids.

I never been with a woman with a child, let alone two but it doesn’t feel like a hassle like it’s no effort for me to do for her and hers.

I don’t feel like a simp because I can tell a woman no and tbh, I know for a fact what I want to do for her and what I do for her is all done and wanted from a non-lustful perspective.

She has my heart and I don’t think she fully understands why but she has never pushed me away, we always come back to each other after too long as if we naturally don’t want to give this up.

I love, love but I don’t know what I’m doing.

Purple•Heart•Emoji

Feeling like I’m connected to a feeling deeper than living,

Afraid of a possibility I’m the only one that feels it,

Caught up in the rapture of love when I think of her,

FaceTimed caught me off guard but it still wasn’t you,

I don’t care who it is, cause I come home to you,

I will still say out loud that you bae, I know good and damn well in yo head you call me boo,

I’ll talk to you about feelings but not too often, just to know if it’s true,

I wouldn’t want to be anywhere with anyone else, I just want you.

I hope that you don’t take it the wrong way, but I enjoy declining h*es for you.

I don’t care what they could say, it won’t change the plans I got for you.

Nothing can change what I imagine to the world what we could do.

Blazing new paths most to many have never seen before,

Stay by my side I’ll show you a side of the world that could hold to your heart a true reward,

Cause baby I’m the catch and you got it all, I’m talking family and more in store because I know deep down inside there’s even more of you and there’s way more to me that we both could explore…

Caring too much or not enough, for those who don’t care at all.

Why do I feel that’s it’s up to me to prove that I care, when clearly the person I’m trying to show that I care obviously could care less?

I’m not the type to just give up on a person but I see that it’s easy for most people to give up on me.

You can’t appeal to everyone, I understand this, but I’m only trying to appeal to those in my immediate life. Friends stiff arm me, family does the same but that comes and goes, and mainly anyone woman I have an interest in, is only temporarily interested in me.

Sometimes I wonder if I chose to be an asshole, chose to go with my second mind, come off stand-offish and a loner who only wants to be touched if it’s sexually, I wonder if my life would be easier because it seems as if life gets easier the more you care less. As if not being genuine is truly the way to be because as much as I try to be genuine with anyone I choose to be around, it’s seems useless because I ultimately always become a mat to be stepped on.

Pops

My dad keeps me centered and has a his own way of reminding me to be a man, at all times.

He puts logic back into my head when I know it’s time for me to get outside of myself for answers, when everyone else to me begins to sound senseless.

I almost live by a method to madness but he preaches to me a method of practicality to implement into mine own life.