I can feel I am being tested, heavily lately.

I’ve told myself that its time for me to snap out of this inactiveness, leave distractions alone, to become the artist and to become the man that I need to be.

Old flames being put out due to time or mistakes I’ve made from the past. I shouldn’t feel a way about the past but emotions do what they will.

New interests have only been just that, interests and nothing further. I can only question if its the wrong people I have interests in or if I just need to better myself before I approach anyone and with this outlook on life I am slowly growing to have, there is always room for self-improvement. 

Lane switching takes place almost daily, I don’t dwell on the motives of others, I can only further progress the motion I am building for myself.

Then whats weird to me is, people becoming upset when I want to be alone or when I make plans for myself. I really don’t understand that.

Do you own time, that of which does not belong to yourself, that is in another’s possession? Rhetorical. 

My car chooses the same week my social life seems to take a deep dive. Just great.

All through this I can only say that creatively I’ve been awakened. My inspiration lately has hit a major growth spurt. Stress has only been fueling the flame and I have been working. I plan on keeping my projects generally private until I’m ready to release it. I always have to remember that when I make my own projects, I am only creating for myself something visually depicting an idea of mine in the hopes that it at least catches the eye of a few people and it possibly sparks an idea for the next creative. 

Lastly, I’ve been studying and researching visual media and information much more frequently than ever before because I am now getting a better understanding of what to look for that of which I can apply to myself.

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When you feel like you’re being tested maybe its because you should brace yourself for your newly approaching successes.

​Is it wrong to let your emotions drive the craft that you love? Is it wrong to let what you feel, your feelings, fuel your will to create?

Not only just that but to also allow yourself to be able to pull from a place only your emotions can take you, I feel as if this is an ability of some sort.
Its hard for some to be in tune with their emotions and I understand that as much as I can.

However, if you don’t have anything fueling you to feel, all is not lost nor should it be. Personally, I’d like for someone to feel for me and it be mutual but we don’t all get what we’d like and thats a part of life. The thing is, thats where the door for distraction opens.

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I have to learn to create without the need for my emotions to inspire my creativity and to push away any distractions.

How do you find yours ?
I live life to find mine.

My creativity is organic and its always triggered from different experiences. 

However, if I havent felt like I’m doing anything new, my creativity doesn’t keep the same progression. Therefore, nothing is being created. 

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This can’t be…

I feel like I’m either not living my life to the fullest or I just dont feel inspired and those two statements sound terrible.

I work in the field that I love though, I still edit and shoot videos for corporate.

I still feel productive in some way.

…………….

I’m making a life change. I want to live for me. I am an artist. I can’t create if my environment feels toxic. 
To clear the air, I need to isolate myself. I can’t let my surroundings distract my creative process and if you can’t understand that, then you just won’t.

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I have to make the best out of this life cause I only have one and I can’t live for anyone else but myself right now.